The Beginning

Coming across good bits of advice at 2 in the morning is very rare...unless you're friends with Jaci. She told me, "Just because it's bad doesn't mean you should censor yourself." So after a few deep breaths, I find myself here. My mind is doing the thinking, my fingers are doing the typing, and I will be telling you a story. Okay, it's not really a story, it's more of a timeline in some sort of extended version which will allow you to accompany me on this turbulent journey of pleasure, chaos, and d r a m a. 

So it begins.

Let's start off with a flashback from Junior year ok? It's 2007, and we're in StuCo state up in the middle of nowhere (apparently called Winnemucca, NV). In a small hotel room there is a  group of hormonal teenagers setting up a game commonly known as "Suck and Blow". Charlit and Mellanie drew from the deck of playing cards and had to sit next to each other. The game commences...and as the card is being passed from person to person, the two drop the card and kiss. Uh this bullshit happens twice. We promised to not talk about it...yadda yadda yadda...got it? SO you see this "technically" isn't the first time he's pulled shit like this.

Right! So let's continue to the other shit. It's May 2008. I made some mistakes saying no to a potential date, getting rejected by another potential date and ended up going semi-stag. I call up Charlit and complain about the woes and worries of being a senior. We talk about boys, and a few other things. I invite him over for a get together post prom; that night I have people come over to swim and indulge in the infamous spaghetti and lumpia combination. We watched a few movies and as the RISK board was being set up, Charlit and I came up with a brilliant idea. Spin the bottle? Dice? Dirty (and really lame) teenage games? UH YES PLEASE! Hah, so once we convince innocent people that this will be fun we bust out the essential items and begin. Story short, he licks caramel off me. It was friendly, stupid, and what I thought was aimless fun.

Fast forward to July 14, 2008...how do I know? It's the night we watched Miss Universe. It's the night we watched "Texas Vibrator Massacre" and "Porn of the Dead" with a group of friends. I get left in the bedroom to clean up a bit, and Charlit's there. Makes a pass at my perky tits. *Squeeze* and it goes downhill from here. 

---Somewhere in between here, we start talking and hanging out more---

Fast forward to July 19, 2008. I'm spending the night in "Lake Havasu" with "Lilien". Except it's not the Lake, it's Charlit's house. It's not Lilien, it's Mike and Charlit. Further exploration of what I possess takes place; I KNOW it's wrong. I KNOW it's a bad idea. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango." Night turns to day and we move on. It's almost August and then POP! So much for Vacation Bible School this year...

---Talks become longer, more inappropriate, and almost deliberate---

August 20, 2008 is the date of the day before I leave to Philadelphia. Plans were poorly made and as a result I find myself steamin'. As you can obviously see, what turned out to be harmless fun has turned into fuck buddy status for both of us; this evolves and mutates into a very twisted, erroneously huge problem. In my fit of rage, I wrote a very hateful letter which (I thought) would explain the feelings I had felt during these intense 3 months and possibly end all this turmoil for him and I both. (As you will see later, it did not work.)

It's September 2008 now... and it's week 1 in the UK now; a long letter arrives into my inbox. I find myself  entangled in a labyrinth of words that shout, "LONELINESS! LUST! LOVE?" More words. More words. Some songs. Some tears, but mostly words. Words that misled me, words that ultimately lead to my demise. 

Mid semester break occurred in October 2008, and I find myself with a group of good mates in Glasgow waiting for the arrival of Charlit. Yeah he flew to Scotland to see ME. Spending time, talking, spending more time. We rendezvous a few days later in the lobby of AKD and we head out to Barcelona, Spain. We enjoyed ourselves a bit, got lost a lot, and explored a ton! 

It's November 2008, we are getting antsy, the contact stops for a bit, and he has a falling back in with Sharon. (His now ex-girlfriend...as of September?) I'm exploring, I'm enjoying, and I'm LIVING. He's being selfish, but a part of me wanted someone to feel that way towards me. We wait it out...December is here and they arrive to my front door. I greet them...Mike and Charlit are pissed. I understand why. Lilien freaked them out by saying my dog went missing and that it might have died. New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss. Bring on the NEW experiences!

January 2009 is here and now it's back to school. A goodbye kiss and away I went (again). Possible boyfriend at this point? Highly probable. Good idea? I thought so. 

January turned to February and we spent Valentines Day together. Sweet? Kind of. How did we celebrate? Chinese food, Gran Torino, and some...well you know. 

March and April sort of sheds new light onto this whole situation. He joins a cult, I mean a club. He meets new people. Networking apparently means that you turn into a douche and stop talking to a pretty cool girl. New friends apparently means that you have to stop talking to the old ones. New memories apparently means that you forget the old ones. I become a burden, I become part of the past, so I try to move on. 

Homecoming was in May 2009. Mike and Charlit are there at the airport anticipating my slow self at baggage claim. It was a bittersweet experiences and he could tell I wasn't all too pleased to see him. We talked for a bit and we reconnected. We hang out, we hook up, but most importantly (I thought) everything was going well. Hopefully back on track? Perhaps. So many people told me to save myself while I could. So many people said it was a bad idea. Forget about him. You will find someone who will be better for you. Maybe they're right. Being a stubborn girl, I choose to disprove all these statements. It makes me want to work harder, it makes me want to fight better...just for this- just for US to work. 

it was going slowly picking up at the place where we left off...until tonight.

Please thumb your way to the date June 3, 2009 and follow along please! After a good day of eating, Jaws, and driving...Jaci and I end up passing a Sonic on our way to Kim's house. After meeting up with Kim, her sister and Alyssa we decide to get free (best word ever) Root Beer Floats! I get an order of large onion rings to give to Charlit. (Just because). So we're singing, I'm driving, and we're drinking...when we get to his street I turn off the headlights and we scheme of what we should do with the rings. Leave them? Put them all over his car? What about those cups of empty Float? All of a sudden a silver truck drives up the street. They're slowing down and I thought they had to turn into a drive way. Nope. I'm slowly driving my car, and they're tailgating me at this point. Turns out to be the lovely Sharon Ly! *cue the thunder and lightning* She emerges from her car and at first I was like...who the fuck is this? OH! Wow. She starts yelling at me. I take it all in. 

She's asking me what I'm doing there. 

"Uh I went with the girls to get free Root Beer Floats. I ordered Onion Rings for him and I thought I'd drop them off." 

She tells me she doesn't want an apology. 

I calmly reply, "I'm not going to give you one."

She tells me to stop talking to Charlit and stares at me.

"I'm not going to stop talking to Charlit. He's my friend. We're not even going out."

Onward with the awkward silence...She asks me why I'm staring at her.

"What do you want me to say? (I'm thinking to myself...well DUH you're the one that ran up to ME...you're the one that started yelling at ME...what am I supposed to do?)

She tells me that I should apologize (after she just told me that she didn't want one).

I tell her, "Why? Is this going to change things between us? Are we going to be ok again? No...this does not change a thing. You still won't like me, and everything will not be the same again."

She told me that she honestly cared for me and loved me as a friend. 

I thought of the good times. Then I think to myself of all the times she's called me to complain. I think of all the times where I wasn't enjoying myself in her company. All I did was let her vent because that's what she really needs. She finally left, and I drive away. We go back to our own lives...well I went back to my own life.

I am calm, but inside my blood is boiling, steam is pouring out of my ears and I was just waiting, hoping, even praying that she throws a punch my way. I'm hoping that she gathers the anger that she's been harboring towards me and hits me. I patiently wait for her to start the fight so I can end it. If she tried, I was ready to push my seat belt button and just maul her. She doesn't; I don't. 

So there it is, in most of its entirety. I'm conflicted. I'm happy. I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm relieved. I'm annoyed. I can't imagine what it's like for Sharon, but at this point, I could care less. She was my friend, but now she's not. This is my doing (partly); but I do not apologize. I am wrong and I accept that. I move on and so should you.

What baffles me most is that all the hatred she released was towards me, YET she is back to good friend status with Charlit...her ex-boyfriend. He is the one with the penis. He is the one who did not say no. He is the one put his penis into my vagina. He is the one who flew to see me. Okay? I know it is my fault too, but you can't hate us equally? I will just sit here and take the blame, while you pretend nothing ever even happened between you two. At the end of the night I will go to bed satisfied in knowing that I give some damn good blowjobs.

This is the trouble I have gone through. Now you don't have to hear it from someone, who heard it through someone, who heard it from "the source". Granted, my side of the story may seem a bit biased and maybe it has some parts that are missing, but trust me...this would be so much longer if I went into any more detail. No matter how much grief I get from this, this issue will now and forever will be a part of my life. I will live with that. Jesus, believe it or not, there are SO MANY people out there that have pulled the same shit. 

I will learn from this and move on to better (and bigger) people. So it goes...